Healing at Camp

This week at Noyes Camp in Connecticut was especially important to me. The probable dissolution of my job at NYCOpera is something I have to face. I've been lucky to have worked in orchestras my whole career, with benefits and tenure, but now, at 64 and Bob with health problems and only 55, the company looks ready to collapse. I've made big changes before, but it has been 26 years. Here is some of what I wrote from my tent in the woods:

Remember this dappled breeze, the light lined between the trees, the relief of the air moving, the leaves leaning and rustling, peace. Nothing else matters. The crows clatter, the huge young hawk cryoohs for its mother and father, it may rain later, it may not. In this sanctuary of loving people, long history and the constant variety and changes of nature, any complication that may come my way seems eminently possible to handle.

The art classes have again brought me to myself with a painting of my Erato self. When I smother that, I die. I am ready for what the year brings if I keep reminding myself that this is my deepest soul and has nothing to do with age or any of the competitive places in life.

I think I will try making a daily schedule that includes writing and practice and exercise. The non-working days can become aimless or filled with busywork. Where will I find nature in the city? And stimulating company? That's the challenge.

This, anyway, is the image: my beautiful Emily teaching the movement classes, leading us to other dimensions; all the birds talking away; cool breezes, layers of light and green in the woods as seen through my reading glasses- only light and green and shimmers where the air catches the tops of the trees.